The Start of the New Year: Finding your Why
It’s that time of year. The time of year when introspection begins to emerge, as we bid farewell to last year and set our sight on the new year. A certain word begins to show up everywhere: Resolutions
Last year, I shared my perspective of resolutions, how resolutions tend to lean more into a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset. I highlighted the need for goals, emphasizing the impact of taking small, consistent, actionable steps towards change. This year, I’d like to expound on the idea of goal setting. While goals are great and I highly recommend having some, without awareness of the psychology of goal setting, we set ourselves up for failure.
HOW TO SUCCEED WITH YOUR GOALS: The Relationship between Ambition and Well-being
The connection between ambition and well-being is profound when it comes to goals. Goals reflect our aspirations, but also require an awareness of our beliefs, our perceptions, our self-efficacy. It’s common to set goals without considering our mental well-being. That oversight can be costly. Personal exploration is key to goal achievement. Understanding how we perceive ourselves and the world significantly impacts our ability to reach our goals.
Case Study: My Path to Private Practice
Let me give you a personal example. I am a huge believer in life systems. I enjoy structure because structure gives space for consistency and flexibility. If I understand the mechanisms of the structure (even within our own bodies), then I can flexibly work within the system to propel myself towards change. When looking at goal setting, structure involves both internal and external systems.
One of my goals for my business development was for me to start my own practice. In order to do that, I had to first understand the systems that needed to be in place to venture out on my own. Back in 2019, I started the process of figuring out the systems and identifying my strategy. I was moving towards my goal. Even when I knew the system, though, I found I couldn’t make that last move. I couldn’t take those final steps. I was stalling on my own goal. It was through doing some personal exploration, by myself and with my therapist, that I recognized I was still operating with the belief that I could never make it on my own. I doubted my ability to succeed independently. I didn’t trust myself. All these thoughts were running through my mind: I wasn’t skilled enough. I didn’t have the right personality to attract referrals from other therapists. None of my clients would want to stay with me. The list was lengthy and ranged from somewhat realistic thoughts to wildly irrational beliefs about myself. My internal system at that time was effectively stopping me from acting on the external system.
I needed to take the time to address and unravel the messages and beliefs I had about myself and the world. Not only did I need to change my self talk, I also needed to turn towards the belief that I did have what it took to be successful in my goals. Once I began to shift in my internal landscape, the risk of going out on my own became less overwhelming. I could not achieve my goal until I had shifted my internal landscape.
Identify Your Why
Identifying your why is pivotal. The big questions I had to ask myself was why change? Why did I want to make this move? What would it mean to me to go after this goal? What would need to be different inside of myself in order to make this successful? How could I lean into the process and challenge my old narrative of inadequacy?
Our bodies are designed to keep us safe and goals require an element of risk, of discomfort, of leaning into something new. Our body has a natural inclination to keep us with what’s familiar, because even if the familiar isn’t ideal, it’s safer than what we don’t know. To be successful in our goals, we need a powerful motivator, a reason for change.
In order to get to the space we want to be, our reason must be greater than the discomfort that goals bring. In my case, my desire to believe in myself, to discard feeling inadequate fueled my change.
Questions to Consider
Consider these questions for your journey:
What would life be like if I reached this goal?
What kind of person would I need to be to reach this goal?
To reach this goal, what do I need to let die?
To reach this goal, what do I need to start nurturing, to start breathing life into?
As a fervent advocator of self-growth, I consider goals to be an integral part of that journey. Finding your why is the fuel that propels you forward. As we come closer to a new year, let’s not just set goals. Let’s understand the psychology behind them, identify your motivation, and propel yourself into a year of phenomenal growth and meaningful change.