Unseen Wounds: the Impact of “Little Trauma”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“I should be grateful. My experience wasn’t as bad as what other people have gone through.”

“I feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing….it feels wrong to say that I have trauma.”

Over and over again in my practice, I hear some variation of these statements. On one hand, there is a protective element to these statements. It’s difficult to reflect back on life and recognize that all was not well. On the other hand, there is an inaccurate view of what trauma actually is. There is a a misguided idea that trauma needs to be something major, catastrophic, appalling, something so significant in the eyes of the beholder, so shocking, that it’s justified to be considered trauma.  There’s even a phrase that reinforces this belief:  “little trauma, big trauma.” 

Understanding Little Trauma

So, what is "little trauma"? It is a spectrum of experiences that, while not having the clearly visible impact of major traumatic events, still have tremendous impact on one’s psychological and emotional well-being. These experiences can range from persistent parental criticism, neglect, bullying, or witnessing chronic parental conflict to more subtle forms of emotional invalidation or feelings of rejection in social settings. Little trauma references the subtlety of the experience, but the impact is no less significant to our body’s experience.  If you look at some of the examples of what falls underneath little trauma, these experiences are pervasive, long-standing, and chronic. 

One of the problems with little trauma is that many people consider these experiences to be “normal.”  The issue is that these “normal” experiences are still traumatic.  These experiences tend to be overlooked or downplayed not only by the person(s) directly impacted, but by society in general.  Unlike major traumas that are noticeable and where support is more likely to be received, little traumas tend to go unnoticed and dismissed.  Despite being labeled “little,” these traumas have a significant impact on us, shaping our beliefs, our view of ourselves, our relationships.  These little traumas shape how we survive and respond, often leading to maladaptive coping strategies, like avoidance, substance abuse, relationship dysregulation, etc. From these  little traumas and the maladaptive coping strategies, there is piled on top the experience of shame, a sense of inadequacy, and unworthiness.  

Your Body’s Response to Little Traumas

Your body doesn’t care if the trauma is little or big.  Your body doesn’t evaluate a trauma and say, “oh, this is just a little trauma, we can work with this.”  Your body responds to every trauma as TRAUMA.  There is no distinction between little or big.  It’s all experienced the same by your body.  Regardless of how its classified, your body will have the same physiological response, aimed to protect you from harm.   

The phrase “little trauma” is well-meaning, designed to educate and inform on the varying degrees of trauma.  Just like any good thing, without a balanced approach or perspective, using the words “little” or “big” to describe trauma can become counterproductive.  Without an understanding of what “little” trauma means, we run the risk of diminishing the impact, the severity of a person’s experience. In addition, there is unnecessary shame that is added on top of these experiences, as people tell themselves their experience just “isn’t that bad” and they need to “stop complaining” or “making a big deal out of nothing.”

Little trauma may not always grab headlines or dominate discussions, but its impact on individuals' lives is undeniable. The notion of "little trauma" is often misunderstood or dismissed, with individuals feeling hesitant to label their experiences as traumatic, especially when they perceive them as less severe compared to what others have endured. However, it's important to recognize that trauma exists on a spectrum, and even seemingly minor events can have profound effects on mental and emotional well-being. Recognizing the lasting effects of seemingly minor events allows us to seek validation, support, and healing without minimizing our experiences. By recognizing and addressing the significance of these experiences, we can foster resilience and greater compassion for ourselves and those around us.